Saturday, April 28, 2012

Suffering is a Sign that I Am With You

Yesterday while I was saying my rosaries and prayers I found my mind wandering and felt a physical tiredness which made deep prayer difficult.  I felt the Lord needed my prayers in a special way but seemed unable to give him true heart felt prayers.  I hoped that even though much of my prayers were more my mouth moving than my heart, that the effort to say them none the less had some value.
Kostin, my seven year old son and I set out this morning for 8AM daily Mass.  He was running ahead and I was in prayer.  My head was down and I thought that I was looking at the sidewalk but with out any warning my right ankle twisted sharply.  I nearly fell and turning around there was a large chunk of wood that I had clearly stepped squarely on.  I felt as though my ankle touched the ground and for someone with my genetic problem with joints this could be catastrophic.  My first thought was to tell Jesus I loved Him.  I told Him, I love You if this is a horrible injury and I love You if there is a small injury.  These words came from deep inside my heart.  The fear that confronted me hurdled me next to Jesus.  It was as though I went from a mile away to standing right beside Him.  I could feel the closeness in my heart.  I was praying with my whole being and I could feel His presence and Love.  I repeated, Jesus I trust in you and a peace entered inside of me.  Fear left me and joy was there.  The words Jesus spoke to St. Faustina played in my head “Suffering is a sign that I am with you”.  He had in one second taken hold of my soul and pulled it in close to His.  It was a wonderful place to be.  I could appreciate with all my being that suffering is a gift from God.  What hours of prayer had been unable to bring, suffering coupled with prayer and trust had done in one instant.

Jesus tells us:
“there is no way to heaven except the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest way.... I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for you in Heaven. A suffering soul is closer to My heart.” (Words spoken by Jesus to St. Faustina diary 1487)

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