In Want of Love

Have you ever woken up and as your children come down the stairs for school every little thing seems to annoy you.  The littlest thing seems to bring unkind feelings up.  It is a struggle not to snap at them.  You go to Church and pray that the Lord will replace your heart with His.  You pray that more love will exist in your heart especially for your family.  Do you also have days where your children come down missing their uniform, hair a mess and with patience in your voice you tell them to brush their hair and get dressed.  Today was one of those days when the Lord put so much love in my heart.  A priest once told me to love is a decision.  I believe this advice and try to decide for love every day although not always successfully.  However, there are times despite our lowliness that the Lord pours His love in our hearts and it is just there from the moment you awake.  The first reading today seemed in some way to explain this to me as I sat there thankful that I felt like a good mother today when so often I feel quite the opposite.

“Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experience of suffering is required of your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, and strengthen you".(1 Peter 5:8-10)

As I have shared in earlier posts I struggle many days wishing and praying for more love in my heart especially for my children.  Some comes naturally and some does not.  I pray daily for this gift.  When it seems that I must struggle through these experiences in want of love I think of a quote I recently read. 

It often happens that we pray God to deliver us from some dangerous temptation, and yet God does not hear us but permits the temptation to continue troubling us. In such a case, let us understand that God permits even this for our greater good. When a soul in temptation recommends itself to God, and by His aid resists, O how it then advances in perfection.

-- St. Alphonsus Liguori

Today being on the other side of the temptation if only for one day the joy, peace and love in my heart was so much that I thanked God for all the trials that lead up to today.  There seemed to be so much wisdom in all that occurred days, weeks and years before.  Without each trial the sweetness of the moment I felt today would not have been so precious.  It is a mystery to me how life unfolds but I hold firm in the faith that the Lord and His Mother will accompany me at every step.