Don’t Give Up

How can it be that the Lord can pour so many graces upon a soul and then in such a short time the soul can disappoint Him at the slightest test.  This is a question that plagues me.  Why can I not have better control over myself especially when it comes to parenting my children.  The scenario goes something like this,  a child given a task or chore half listens and then either does it wrong or half completes the task and then is found laughing and playing with their sibling.  Maybe it is my background of having worked 3 jobs growing up from a young age but the lack of commitment to complete a job with care bothers me deeply.  I begin to reprimand the child and they don’t seem to care about what I am saying.  Then there is something inside that rationalizes that I am justified to get mad because I am the parent and they need to be disciplined.  However,  here is where a door opens to something not so good.  Then I become upset inside to the point that I make a disparaging comment to one of my children to make them feel bad.  There is still that feeling I am justified to correct them but on almost immediate reflection I know that this is not the disciplining that Our Blessed Mother would have done with the child Jesus.  What is even worse is that even though I recognize what I have done is wrong I may continue for a few minutes with comments to the child emphasizing their mistake until I get a reaction from them such as a pout or sometimes a few tears.

Last night my husband and I were talking and I was sharing with him this struggle and wondered why I have such a propensity for sin despite all my attempts through prayer to be better than this.  He made me feel better when he said that he struggles with the same thing and that he thought others do as well.  We laughed that the only person who ever really talks about these parenting struggles frankly is Bill Cosby the comedian.  This morning I was happily surprised to see a friend from church who had been at the Divine Mercy Sunday Celebration and had taken a Bible for his family.  He had offered to say two novenas but confessed that finishing them has been a struggle with many false starts.  Despite these troubles he recommitted himself to completing them.  Caitlin, our children’s rosary member at a monastic internship on Shaw Island also has been writing to me of difficulties with the novenas and general spiritual doubts and questions.  A quote I had recently read seemed to provide good advice for us.

St. Ignatius of Loyola

"After you have made a decision that is pleasing to God, the Devil may try to make you have second thoughts. Intensify your prayer time, meditation, and good deeds. For if Satan's temptations merely cause you to increase your efforts to grow in holiness, he'll have an incentive to leave you alone". (St Ignatius of Loyola)

A little over a week ago my family as a whole seemed to be under spiritual attack.  All members of the family seemed to be feeling this.  I reached out to those in the children’s rosary for intercessory prayer.  We sought the intercession of Our Lady and the Saints and called upon Jesus’ Divine Mercy.  I stumbled upon this quote which seemed to provide more avenues for spiritual protection.

St. Theresa of Avila on holy water: 

"From long experience

I have learned that there is nothing like holy water to put

devils to flight and prevent them from coming back again.

They also flee from the cross, but return; so holy water

must have great value."

Holy water is a means of spiritual wealth - a sacramental

that remits venial sin. The Church strongly urges its use,

especially when dangers threaten. The devil hates holy

water because of its power over him. He cannot long

abide in a place or near a person that is often sprinkled

with this blessed water.

Despite our imperfections and tendencies toward sin we have to keep recommitting ourselves to the Lord and consecrating ourselves to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and Sacred Heart of Jesus. Our Blessed Mother needs us.  She has great plans and needs prayers with the heart to bring her plans to fruition.  Let us not give up!